In the feedback of Symposium 2, Gabby said she thought my work was sort of not a part of the emotions. And then I answered her from sort of not a part of it becoming part of it. I think she said the change of me in these two years. At that time, I was thinking about the blur mirror and I realised that I did not write about my thought in the blur mirror.
As I wrote in the reflection of Symposium 2 (link) , “I always think I could see things more clearly by the perspective of an outsider so I can always be rational.” Sometimes I will put myself in somebody shoe to understand something but I won’t do the same to myself. This is the approach of how I see things. It affects my art practice as well but I was unconscious about that. I think that was the reason I looked like I was not part of the emotion at the beginning such as my works, “Happiness gas?” and “What makes them happy?”. I think the video, “What makes them happy?” is more significant as I asked different people what makes them happy but I didn’t ask myself what makes me happy.
I always tried to look at the things related to myself as an outsider. I thought I could pull out my personal feeling until I was lost. I tried to look at myself by an outsider perspective to help myself but I couldn’t see myself clearly. I realised I could not do it actually. I was inside the mist of lost as well. No matter how hard I tried, it was the same. I didn’t know what I want at that time and I realised I am not able or not able yet to see myself as an outsider. I understand myself more via this incident and I found that I had have confronted myself. So I let myself to face my inner feeling by visualising as “mirror”. I think this is the obvious turning point I let myself open my heart and become part of my works.
I was worried about the mirror that people may do the same if they know programming before in the group exercise in low residency. But now the process I’ve been to make the mirror makes things different. At least, it is an important and unique for me as it shows how I step out to confront my emotions and express them to the others.
Wong Chui Yin, Iris 